I Am An Internet Anthroplogist
Very tongue in cheek. 
You may not realise this, but as an Internet Anthropologist I have a very dangerous job. That is why, when I study the populations of the locale known as “the Internet”, I take great care to ensure my safety. As I prepare for my latest foray - the details of which I shall recount to you now - I ensure that I have my Archaeologist Anthropology Hat and Whip, as well as making sure that my trusty spam-filter is by my side. Ensuring that my handy-dandy sidekicks Askimet and Moderated Comments are ready and able, I prepare to enter the great abyss that is the Internet.
Known by such terms as “the Net”, “the Interweb” and “the Interbutts”, the Internet contains many different cultures and locations. The residents of the place called MySpace, for example, seem to have adopted a strange style of taking photographs of themselves, and all seems to be friends with a man named Tom. With personal experience dictating that no man could truly be friends with so many people, I have come to believe that he has set himself as some sort of ruler, or even deity.
Beyond the borders of MySpace, however, can be found a number of other societies. These “bloggers” mark themselves out by writing - or “blogging” - about anything and everything. From the most mundane of subjects (”School today…”) to things that affect many more people - nothing is off limits for the “blogger”.
Although there is movement between the kinds of bloggers I have identified in my most recent expedition, I have identified and focussed upon two main kinds.
The first are easily identified by their penchant for their “celebrity blends”, and their use of a dialect of what I believe is a low-brow form of English - some of them speak in nothing but capslock. A great number of them worship false gods, and perceive that any negative comments made against them are world-ending attacks. They have the ability to swarm in large numbers to return fire upon those who “attack” them, and attempt to make their own thoughts known through badly spelled and phrased “arguments”. Despite the way they act, many of them are well beyond their teenage years; their behaviour puts them on the same level as their children.
Their enemies, on the other hand, worship a pantheon of gods, and the higher power that keeps the world in balance. A number of them practice a possible aspect of their faith known as “reviews”, or “WPR”, something which seems to be requested from both main groups in this “Internet”. Occassionally, these “reviews” result in members of the first group migrating over to the second, but there are also many incidences known in the native language as “flame wars” and “e-drama”; these tribal wars can range from small, isolated skirmishes to much larger battles.
Fearful of provoking the natives further, I must conclude this transmission and take the time to ensure that my fortress is secure. I shall return when I have more research and have interacted with the natives more - hopefully they will come to accept me with time.
Please send e-cookies, dictionaries, open source software and textbooks. kthxbai.
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So which group do you fit in?
Great post - I’ve been learning about anthropology in school, and Online Anthro would be a great topic for a project!
I’m a former anthropology major turned computer science student (going back to anthro eventually…) and this sort of just started forming in my head. It’ll probably turn into a series called “I Am An Internet Anthropologist”, where I investigate such societal phenomena as “lolcats” etc.
As for group self-identification? As an anthropologist I am supposed to remain neutral, but… I’m one of those ones who begin in Group A (celebrity ‘blends’ and bad coding, but I actually always had decent writing) and have now migrated to Group B.
I don’t know what anthropology means…